Advocating for Your Kid 101

In the past 10 years that Jake has attended public school, we have had to advocate for him at some point each year. Sometimes, the issue was totally minor and only took a small chat with the teacher, and others it took what felt like a Herculean effort.

Along the way, we made many mistakes, but I would like to think that we have learned some things, too. Things that I would love to share with all of you. Keep in mind that I am no expert, and the things stated here are strictly my own opinion. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me directly and I'll do my best to help you out.

1. It isn't your job to be best friends with the teacher (brown nosing doesn't get you anywhere)

This sounds a bit...harsh, I know. But it's true. The teacher is there to teach your child, not to be your best buddy. It doesn't win you any brownie points or guarantee that your child will be treated better if the teacher likes you, and just makes you an adult version of the "teacher's pet". Remember how kids all hated the teacher's pet in school?

That's not to say that you shouldn't recognize the hard work that your child's teacher puts in every day. By all means, recognize that. Surprise them with a little chocolate on Valentine's Day, a thoughtful little something at Christmas, and if you feel they are doing amazing things for your child, say so. Only if you really mean it.

The reason I say that you can't be their friend is that if you do have to stand up for your child, it's so much easier if you aren't. Otherwise you might be put on the spot of choosing between a friend and your child, and THAT is difficult. Keep it business-like. They are in the business of educating. Your job is to look out for your child's best interests. PERIOD.

2. Follow the chain of command (or you will look like a complete fool)

I admit, I'm bad at this. (sheepish grin) In schools here in BC, there is a chain of command if you are unhappy. First, talk to the teacher. Then if it's not resolved, you talk to the principal. If it's not resolved there, you talk to the assistant superintendent (or superintendent if there is not assistant). If you STILL aren't happy, you bring the issue to the school board. Most school districts have written policies regarding this that you can download from their websites or via pamphlet form from the Board Office, or at your child's school.

From personal experience, it's best to follow this and document everything. If you don't, usually the higher-up person will tell you to try to resolve it with the lower person first and you'll just look a bit foolish.

3. Document, document, document (I mean it!)

Did I say document? It's a good idea to keep a binder with your child's report cards, assessments, notes from meetings (dated and names of who is present), etc. Communicate important things to your child's school via mail and keep a copy for yourself. A paper trail is your bestest friend because if you need to take it to the next level, you have proof.

4. Don't get emotional (ie-calling people up and screaming at them is a bad idea)

I have been guilty of this as well. Do your utmost to stay calm, rational, and don't let them goad you into losing your cool. By all means, don't go in there and swear at them because once you do, it becomes all about your "abusive" behavior and less about your child. Count to 100, envision palm trees and ocean waves, do whatever you have to in order to stay calm.

That doesn't mean you can't be firm. Just don't lose it or they win because you then look like the crazy one.

5. Do your homework (especially if you have a special needs child)

One of the most important things you can do is know the School Act (as it's called in BC). Know your child's rights, and your rights as a parent. Know the district's policies, the school policies, and everything you can about your child's disability. It's a tall order, yes. However it also helps a great deal when you are advocating for your child. There's no surprises, then. Knowledge really is power.

6. Assessments are not a bad thing. Most of the time.

A lot of parents are wary of assessments, because it will mean that their child will be labeled. What if the label is incorrect and then their kid is put through years of therapy for something they don't even HAVE?! It's a valid concern.

Here is MY opinion...

When Jake was young, the district we were in had a really high amount of kids diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin. We were pressured to have him assessed to do the same. We refused. Suspicious of the whole 'assessment' of all these kids, we chose to have Jake assessed privately and pay for it ourselves.

If you pay for a private assessment, the information is in YOUR control. You only release to the school district what you want them to know. There is some risk to a private assessment, as we found out. School districts are not always willing to give them the same amount of weight as an internal one. Plus they run around $1500 + to have done.

If you allow the school district to assess your child internally, the information is in THEIR control. If the person believes they have something that you don't agree with, it's virtually impossible to shake that label.

It's up to you. Generally, if you can have an assessment done by the gold seal standard place in your area (with us it's Children's Hospital), then I believe that you are much better off. With Children's Hospital we went through our family doctor and the school recommended we have him assessed there, it was free, and nobody argues with THAT assessment.

Having the right diagnosis is pure gold because then you have something to work with, to point people to, etc when you are advocating. It can become the proof you need for your child to qualify for a scribe or reader later on in high school.

7. Get a Thick Skin

I hate to say this, but advocating doesn't win you friends. Sometimes you will be the unpopular parent in the class and everyone will resent you for rocking the boat. Sometimes you will have to take people to task, and when you walk in the doors of the school the atmosphere will be as cold as an ice cube. Suck it up.

If this happens, remember #1. You have a child to look after, and it's their needs that come first. PERIOD.

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Spam Magnet

In the last little while, the amount of spam I've been getting has jumped significantly. What's with that? Am I now a spam magnet?

For almost four years, I never had spammy comments on this blog, and now I get at least four a day.

Readers, take note:

if you leave a comment here under anonymous, AND/OR you leave some long winded thing full of links to do with a business, I will delete it. Period. I have no tolerance any more for spammy comments and I'll be ruthless. If I delete something that is a genuine comment, my apologies. Also, while we're at it if you start spamming me via Twitter I will block you so fast you won't know what hit ya.

They come in all sorts of languages, in hilariously bad English, with everything from cheap medications (hello, I live in Canada?) to penis enhancers (I'm a girl?), to telling me that I've won some ridiculous amount of money and have to claim before the FBI gets me (eyeroll), etc. This one I found in my mailbox today, and it's a unique one.


Hey Sandra, hon? Maybe you're lonely and you're hoping to find love through that Internet site. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm SO hetero. As in, the joke in our house is that I could never be gay because women often drive me nuts. Relationship? About as likely as Hell freezing over.

Somebody either stole my e-mail address and used it on that site you listed...or wait...you could just be promoting that damn site and hoping I'll click over, waiting to download some virus picture of you. Oh, and look! Your little friends are now e-mailing me too! How fun!

You probably hope that I might *gasp* think it's my Husband who has registered. Sad that he doesn't even know my blogging e-mail.

Besides that, good Lord woman, learn how to use a period and capital letters, already. That has to be the longest run on sentence EVER.

Perhaps the school of spamming should think to include a class titled, "English 101-How to Write a Spammy E-mail Without Obvious English Mistakes." Most of your co-workers could really benefit from it. Good luck with your...er...work.

Kisses, (but not really because...you know. Although on second thought it's tempting just so I can give you this god-awful virus that left me in bed for a week)

Scatteredmom

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Valentine Treats!

Are you looking for some chocolatey goodness to share with the ones you love this Valentine's Day that doesn't break the bank? Why not whip up some of these really easy recipes?

Kaluah Truffles for Two

The recipe makes six of the most delicious, decadent truffles you'll ever eat. You don't have to use Kaluah at all, either. Feel free to switch it up or omit it altogether.

Chocolate Orange Brownie Cookies with Dark Chocolate M&Ms

Don't let the idea of orange and chocolate scare you off. You can skip the orange flavor and just add vanilla instead. The dark chocolate M&Ms are a must, though!

Chocolate Candy Crinkles

A brownie-like crinkle cookie topped with Hershey's kisses or hugs. These recipe makes a bunch of smallish sized cookies, perfect for gift giving.

Chocolate Rice Krispie Squares

One of my most popular recipes on this site. They converted Hubs, who doesn't like Rice Krispie squares, into someone who can devour half a pan of these babies. If you want to get extra sinful, sandwich them with your favorite ice cream.

Chocolate Fondue

This is so easy you'll never believe it-just melt some chocolate with whipped cream, add some liqueur if you want, keep it warm, and serve with fruit, angel food cake, and pretzels. Your family will think they have died and gone to heaven.

Cappuccino Cheesecake Brownies

For the coffee and chocolate lover, this combines a rich brownie bottom with a creamy, coffee cheesecake topping.

Chocolate Ganache Cupcakes

Last but not least, the best chocolate cupcake I've ever made from scratch. (swoon) I considered not listing it because this photo is my Twitter avatar, readers have made them and posted about it, I've raved about them, made multiple batches, and I'd think you guys would be sick of them by now. I just can't leave them out because to me they SO say Valentine's day and are a perfect thing to send in your kid's classroom. Chocolate lovers will worship the ground you walk on. Promise. It's been tested.

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Steeped Lemons with Honey and Julia

While sick this week, I spent my afternoons curled up under a blanket on the couch, sipping hot steeped lemons with honey and watching movies.

A word about the hot steeped lemons and honey thing; for years I pooh poohed the whole practice, but this time, I caved and actually tried it. You know it's bad when your voice is becoming whisper quiet and when you can actually make a noise it sounds more like a bark then a person. I used to think that the only good sick day lemon drink was Neo Citran, because hello, at least there's happy drugs in there that make me sleep, even though it tasted horrible.

Too cheap to pay the $10 a box even though it contained happy drugs, this time I stuck to steeped lemons, sipping slowly here and there all day yesterday. By noon low and behold, my voice was coming back! Oh my! Note to self: some fresh mint in it might be really good next time, and yesterday @Hogle_zoo suggested I grate some ginger in there too. (yes you read that right, a zoo in Salt Lake City was giving me cold remedy tips-isn't Twitter grand?)

(clouds part, angels sing, and my poor husband probably curses them because the few days of silence were a blessing. Just kidding!) I'm repeating the ritual today and hopefully I'll be my old self by tomorrow.

Anyway, one of the movies I watched was "Julie and Julia", starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. (here is the trailer)

Loved the movie. It inspired me as both a blogger and a cook to get out there are reach farther, higher, and damn it, get myself into the kitchen to discover more delicious things to blog about because as you know, I kind of like to cook. I'm not a "real" cook as some would say-there's no training here, no professional expertise of any sort. I'm simply a Mom who has always loved being in the kitchen, and who loves food. Eating it, creating it, watching other people cook it, taking photos of it, and most importantly, sharing it with others. I blame my grandma, who would fill the table with all sorts of delicious things and insist that we "EAT!"

The blogging part was good too-I mean, haven't we all felt the pressure to keep up because oh my goodness-people are reading? Who else can relate to that but another blogger?

Once the movie was over I went to find her blog and there it was in all it's glory, with some words exactly like in the film. As I began to read, it slowly dawned on me that I should have stopped at the movie. It left me all warm and fuzzy and inspired, whereas looking up the actual blog and the real story behind it was a bit of a let down. Don't get me wrong-I have nothing against Julie Powell in any way, but the truth is that romantic comedies are really nothing like the real thing and in that blog, those words that inspired the movie, there is one thing missing. One huge, gaping hole, because one of the most important players of all isn't really there.

The food.

Oh there's talk about what she made, and how hard or easy it was, and the adventure part of it. Little bits possibly of how yummy it was, or how she changed things, etc. But there are no pictures, no real commentary on the outcome, and really the food is sort of a back seat player. Along for the ride. In reality, it's not about the food. At all. Or the writing. At that moment I sat, absorbing this truth, and I was deeply disappointed.

*sigh*

Now I get why Julia Child wasn't so happy about the whole thing. For those of us who really, really love food and cooking (and by saying us I'm in no way saying I'm even remotely like Julia Child) it seems almost sacrilege to pretend it is. The passion for cooking, for food, sharing a meal like that is something precious, and almost primal. What better way to bond than over an amazing meal, or showing someone how to create that in their own kitchen and give their family the same pleasure? It's nurturing, sharing, and kindness in it's most basic human form.

You've never seen me beam while Jake and Hubs greedily slurp down their dinners, mumbling about how amazing it is. That simple act of providing nurturing fills my heart to bursting.

Julie Powell wrote and cooked to give herself direction, but I'm not sure she really had any passion with either. If she did, it doesn't really come through. Julia Child, on the other hand, threw everything she had into her cooking and in that way, they are opposites. As I considered this last night, I began to think of my own blog and cooking. Do I write and cook just because I can, like Julie, or because it makes my very soul sing, like Julia? Why stop with cooking? Do I write because I can, or do I strive to be the very best I can be? Will I settle for churning out mediocre content?

In my heart I already knew the answer. No. Passion is the difference between doing it because I can, and doing it because I love it. This blog, and cooking, is something I truly, deeply love. Like Julie, I have always struggled with finishing things I start; however, this blog is going into it's fourth year this May. Four. I can't stick to any exercise routine longer than a week, and yet I've somehow managed to blog this long.

You can't bottle that kind of passion or teach it to someone. It has to be there, inside of you, just waiting to burst forth and envelop everything you do. I will never be a great cook like Julia Child, or find the fame through my writing as Julie Powell did, but it doesn't matter.

The passion is really all I need to keep me going.

Later on that day, Jake collected the mail and as I sat in the car waiting, he dropped something in my lap. Some confirmation, of sorts, that I am on the right track.

Sitting there, addressed all the way from Virgina, was a letter from one of my blog readers.

Chicken Tortilla soup by Scatteredmom

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Sick Mama Revenge

So, Jake? Remember when you were two and I taught you how to share? You were so good at it.

I just didn't mean the nasty cold virus that would incapacitate me for days, steal my voice, and make my entire body hurt so much that even my EYES are screaming for mercy.

And then you wonder why I forgot to make your lunch....bwhahaha!

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Fabulicious Friday 2010 #3

It's Friday and time for what's Fabulicious in the Cookie Jar!

1. Bloggers to Read (ya, this week it's two!):

Amber at Crazy Blogging Canuck

I think I've been reading Amber's blog for about 3 years now. Hilariously funny and adventurous, I think I've always felt a kinship with her because a) I've been to Denver, plus many of the places she writes about, and b) we once were in Calgary at the same time, only minutes from each other and c) we're both Canadian. I love the tales of her pumpkin obsessed husband, her cute kids, and her sense of humor.

Anyway when she was in the top 5 of a contest sponsored by Microsoft Office for the opportunity to win a trip to the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics, I was so excited that I promised that if she won, I'd trek into the city and take her out for coffee.

She won! So stay tuned, Amber is on her way to the 2010 Games, I'm planning to make the trek in to meet her, and you'll get to read all about it!

Heather at The Spohrs are Mulitiplying:

Head on over and wish Heather and Mike congratulations on the birth of their new little bundle of cuteness, Annabel! I swear the Internet held it's breath for 9 months while we waited for this cutie, and now she's here we just want to celebrate!

Heather is an inspiring, amazing person and you will be glad you dropped by. Her blog is required reading, I'm sure. And if you can, send her some Smarties. I hear she likes them.

2. Twitter Follower: Leftcoastmama

There I was, twittering away about my Tassimo and Gwendolyn offered to send me her coffee T disks in exchange for my tea ones (which I didn't like). Really?! I'll do anything for coffee! (well. almost. ) Thankfully she's patient and understands my failings at snail mail, because it's been awhile and i still haven't gotten them in the mail yet even though her coffee ones arrived in (brace yourselves) DECEMBER. Umm...oops? (seriously, I'll bring them to the tweet up in Vancouver. Promise!!)

3. Fave new thing this week: My purple Gap hoodie

Gap has come out with some hoodies that are so nice, fit so well, are so cozy soft....I want to buy them all. I settled for a purple one. Loooooooove it. I pair it up with some long sleeved favorite t-shirts, and am in Gap-clothing heaven.

And the kids at school liked my hoodie too because they told me it brings out my eyes. Or maybe it was because they had a test that day and were hoping I'd slip them some answers?

4. Scatteredmom's no brainer tip o'the week:

NEVER (and yes, I mean never) pour boiling water into a mason jar. The jar just might crack right through the bottom so that all the water will begin to seep out, and as you try to scoop out the lemon slices (because you were trying to be a good mommy and make steeped lemon and honey for your sick kid) it will let go and release boiling HOT water ALL over the counter. It will run down onto the floor, all over the stove, and generally make one big hot mess.

Just sayin'. The stupid jar has to be hot already before you dump boiling water into it. Duh.

5. This week's You Tube video:

The first time I saw this I laughed so hard because it reminded me of a Christmas when Jake was 3 and I accidentally stepped on a Hot Wheels car that Santa had left behind. As I was screaming in pain (those are sharp suckers!) Jake was crying,

"You bent it! It's broken!"

Ah, parenthood.

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Recipe Thursday: Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

We have been on a bit of a peanut butter and chocolate binge here in the Cookie Jar. My apologies to those readers who can't eat peanut butter, but lucky for me, it's one of the few kinds of nuts that I CAN eat! Also now that Jake is in a high school where peanut products are allowed, I can go a bit crazy and send things like these cookies in his lunch.

I found the recipe on my Epicurious app via my iPod. They are a bit drier then I normally like my cookies, but taste delicious.

Read more for the recipe....

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